Saturday, August 6, 2011

Changing

Change has a way of making people feel uneasy because what has been is suddenly different. Change can be good, change can be bad. I have experienced a lot of good change that I initially thought was bad. Changing friendships, changing attitudes, changing minds, changing perspectives, changing hearts. I've always been one to be opposed to change because I was never fond of starting new.

My whole life, from the time I was born and even until now, I've had too many new starts. Things have never been completely settled. Since I've never been settled, my goal was to find somewhere to enjoy that. Fortunately, with God there is never room for settling. And I've had to learn that the hard way.

My Nana was always a stubborn but incredible woman. She said it ran in the family - and if you ever meet all five of her boys (my father included) you will understand her blanket statement about the family. If you know me at all, you will understand too. I am the type of person who will fight for anything and everything that I am passionate about - even to the point where I am causing unnecessary sacrifice and pain to myself. I don't realize that I am doing this because of the relentless love and passion I have towards my relationships, hobbies, ideals, and expectations. I hardly ever give up, unless God literally has to tear those things away from me. In the past two years, this has been the case more so than often. Unfortunately I didn't learn the lesson the Lord was trying to teach me the first time. So repeatedly, I experienced this "tearing away" because of my stubbornness. Praise the Lord for a God who knows my heart and it's condition before I slow down enough to realize it. He knew where I was heading, He prepared the way for me, stopped my tracks on the wrong route, and pushed me towards the right path.

My heart is healing from its previous condition. It's taken much trust, faith, and sacrifice of my stubbornness, but I can feel it changing. It's yearning for the Father, becoming more passionate for the One Most High. It's eager for change, faithful despite the hurdles of life, and hopeful for what the Lord has in store.

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